Be Still. Words I have heard repeatedly over the past few months, mostly from medical professionals, but also from the instructors at Beyond Yoga. I’ve often thought about starting a blog, but discarded the idea in favor of reading other people’s blogs, Facebook posts, online articles, or actual books from the library. Real, and spectacular. When I go to the beach, I take twice as many books as swimsuits. And I take a lot of swimsuits. But I digress. Recently I’ve had to open a few new chapters in my life, some of them not by choice. Especially the current one. In this post, I’m just going to hit the highlights and spare you the gritty details.

Timeline:

• October 2016- Routine physical with a new doctor. She refers me to Dr. Mantel (ENT) for voice issues I was having
• November 2016- Dr. Mantel finds something “unusual” underneath my right vocal cord
• January 2017- Biopsy of the mass, which turns out to be a salivary gland
• February 2017- Surgery with Dr. Netterville at Vanderbilt to remove the gland and most of my right vocal cord
• March 2017- Diagnosis of two types of cancer, Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma, and Epithelial Myoepithelial Carcinoma
• Visit to MD Anderson in Houston, TX to get a second opinion regarding treatment
• April 2017-The first of 35 radiation treatments at the Vanderbilt Ingram Cancer Center in Franklin

So. It all happened very fast, yet it took forever. It’s all very real, yet it’s some sort of horrible nightmare. Most days I still feel like I’m talking about someone else. I’ve been poked, prodded, scoped, choked, stuck, cut, scarred, trached, gagged, scanned, recorded, studied, observed, intubated, sedated…you name it, I’m pretty sure I’ve had it. It turns out I’m somewhat of a unicorn in the cancer world. I’m used to being different, but this is one scenario I would have settled for “normal,” “routine,” or perhaps even “boring,” perish the thought.

All that to say, I now sport a neck scar that is not the result of a prison fight or a barre class gone horribly wrong. My voice is still hoarse, and whether or not it will return is yet to be determined. I wish it were more “Demi Moore” and less “eighty-nine year old chain-smoker” but unfortunately, I did not get to pick. I have two weeks of treatment under my radiation treatment belt (mask, actually), and five weeks to go. Currently I feel pretty good, but radiation effects are cumulative, so that will change the further along I am. I’ll be working as long as I can until I’m no longer publicly presentable. I’ll finish treatments the Tuesday after Memorial Day, and will probably have another rough three or so weeks following that.

Still with me? I know, I’m currently Kind of a Bummer Care Bear. But only for a short while. In the meantime, you’ll probably find me in one of two places- in the radiation room, or Beyond Yoga’s studio, Being Still.